Ganon's Life of Sortof Crime
by PsychComposer
Summary: A day in the life of Gannondorf. Why does the King of Evil bother to limit himself to trivial brawls in the Smash Mansion? The answer lies in, of all things, a flower garden...


Gannondorf was spending his afternoon lazing away in the flower garden that Peach tended to during the spring. Now, normally, most people wouldn't think you'd be missing a few bolts to even consider putting "flower garden" and "Gannondorf" in the same sentence, but hey, even the King of Evil can enjoy nature every once in a while. Of course, no one was any where near. It just wouldn't do for someone to discover him frolicking in a bed of tulips. That would absolutely destroy his reputation.

But what a garden it was. It was Peach's pride and joy, and she spent massive amounts of time ensuring that her precious flowers received the very best nutrition and care. The results certainly show. Rows of roses, vases of violets, clusters of carnations, reaps of rhododendrons, bunches of buttercups, urns of irises, lots of lilies, dozens of daisies, oodles of orchids, nests of nightshade, packs of poppies, sets of sunflowers, and tussles of trees were arranged haphazardly around the yard, casting a cheerful, colorful glow on anything in their vicinity. Butterflies flitted around, gathering nectar with their long mouthpieces. Bees glided lazily from flower to flower, their hustle-bustle nature all but erased by the calming aura the garden gave off. The occasional bird could be sighted among the trees, searching for its next meal among the plentiful insect life among the plants. But there were no wasps. Peach hated wasps.

Whenever a gust blows through the garden, the plants all rustle pleasantly, brushing against your legs with delicate tips. The sound the garden makes on a windy day is indescribable. Thousands of marbles rolling down a hill of rice. It's the type of sound you can hear, but never remember, no matter how hard you try.

And the smell. It's ambrosia for the nose. It puts the pinnacle of modern perfume to shame, and it smells a little different every time you visit. Some of the more care-free Smashers will literally smell their way around the garden, sniffing every flower and petal they pass. Apparently it was extremely relaxing.

Then again, that was the problem.

It's too damn peaceful.

All this happy-happy crap got on his nerves. Sure, he could appreciate nature every year of so, but he's the King of Evil, for crying out loud. Peaceful went against everything he stood for. The garden itself was a huge eyesore to him. He couldn't understand how people could live like this. It was just so boring.

Of course, the Smash Mansion was an exception…

Just then, the patio doors slammed open, revealing a panicked puffball, his face covered with frosting. He was quickly followed by a high-pitched shout of "KIRBY! GET BACK HERE!". Kirby had eaten Peach's cake again. That was the third time this week, and his other food-related thefts had become innumerable at this point. The pink puffball rushed into the garden, unaware of Gannondorf's presence.

Gannondorf waited in total silence, his body tensed in the frozen stance of a predator. A smile spread across his lips. Kirby was running right at him. This was going to be fun.

When Kirby was a few feet away, Gannondorf finally moved, bringing back his fist, already charging with dark magic, into the dreaded stance necessary to execute the most devastating move in his arsenal. With the movement, Kirby finally noticed the dark magician standing in front of him. Not that it would do him any good.

"Poyo?" Kirby squeaked, struggling to a stop. Too late.

"!" Gannondorf yelled, putting everything he had into a Warlock Punch that could've felled small mountains.

The punch connected, and Kirby was instantly blasted off his feet, flying backward into the wall next to the patio door. He stuck to the wall like a hot gummy bear for a few seconds, then fell to the floor in a crumpled heap.

Right on que, Peach poked her head out of the doorway. She noticed Gannondorf, and was about to ask a rather irritable question when she noticed Kirby next to the door. Her expression cleared up instantly.

"Oooooh! Thanks Gannondorf! I've been trying to catch this thieving little marshmallow for hours." Peach said. Gannondorf grunted in response. She dragged Kirby's limp body away into the mansion, doubtless for experiences that would make a warlock punch look like a pat on the back and a lolipop.

That's why I like this place so much, Gannondorf concluded. He could Spartan kick people in the face and no one would really mind. The enchantments Master Hand had over the mansion and battle fields would prevent any fatal or serious injuries, and all the Smashers had endurance far beyond a regular man's at this point. He could unleash all of his destructive tendencies on others and people would just call it a normal day.

Not to mention, none of the heroes could get on his case as long as he didn't try to take over any worlds. Of course, he missed the world-domination plots, the savage glee in slaughter, the planning and execution of the perfect plan. But it was a small price to pay to keep Link out of his hair. And honestly, taking over the world was more trouble than it was worth. He had never imagined the amount of politics involved in running an empire. The old King of Hyrule must've been off his rocker to handle all that.

When Gannondorf had received the invitation to the Smash Tournament, the only reason he'd joined was to find a way to get Link and Princess Zelda out of the way permanently. Of course, the anti-death enchantments quickly put a stop to that. He could've found a way around that relatively easily, but by then he'd already integrated himself into the Smashers. He had become the enforcer. If any one didn't like someone else, they got Gannondorf to go have a very unpleasant visit with them. He became an enforcer. He liked his job. In the end, he decided not to kick the hornet's nest by banishing Link to a distant dimension. He was inside the hornet's nest, after all. And it wasn't all that bad.

Suddenly Bowser stumbled into view. "There you are! You have a match in 10 minutes with Link! Why aren't you in the Arena? I wanna see you pound that hero's face in!" he shouted excitedly. "He's been pissing me off for days by hogging the TV! Kick his ass for me, will ya?"

Gannondorf smiled to himself. Duty calls.

End Story

Hey there! PsychComposer here. This is my first oneshot, so if you guys could give me some critisism, I would greatly appreciate it. I can't stress that enough.

I had way too much fun writing the flower part. :3

Well, anyway, see ya, and Psych Out.


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